remember when

remember when poptarts were a delicacy
and sleeping in was terrible?
remember alf and bikes with no kick stands?
remember the hightops you always wanted
and waiting to record your favorite radio song on a blank tape?
remember the scary big kids and wanting to be just like them?

remember notes from your secret crush, folded up like origami?
remember walkie talkies and tree forts?

remember playing in the rain and skinny dipping in swimming pools?

remember classroom pizza parties and making your mom cards?

i do. painfully.

i see my little brother cody and i remember all of those things. i am instantly transported ....

i remember racing michelle parrell to the movie theater to see roger rabbit, and falling off my bicycle and cutting my knee. i remember crying till my dad came and was very mad and drove us home because those roads were off limits for kids. i remember being sad because roger rabbit was my favorite movie, even though i hadn't seen it yet. i remember putting peroxide on my cut and how bad it stung, but then i blew on it like my dad said to and it didn't hurt that bad anymore. i remember my dad saying if i was good and did my chorse he would take me to see roger rabbit and i was happy. i remember thinking i had the best dad in the world and squeezing his hand till he squeezed back harder.

i remember.

another year remembering him here.
happy new years.

Polaroid Sx70. Artistic Time Zero. ND Filter. Long Exposure.

...

Lover of things,

won't you agree

how the winter could bring

the darkest spring?

With hell on your face,

dirt on the walls

in the back of the place,

you grew and complained.

Brother of three,

won't you believe,

that the ones in between,

are the ones that are blamed.

Of fickle faith,

cynics that seethe,

how their love is cursed,

makes you cursed to believe.

It's like marrow without bone.

To live in a land with no home.

Where your love is the darkest seed.

And there it crawls with the curs in the weeds.

Where had you been?

Not in the street, not in the yard.

Only once, I'll call off the dogs,

if you call off your guard.

Where had you gone?

Polaroid Sx70. Artistic Time Zero. ND Filter.

up here it's like

as for me

i'm still in colorado and i'm loving it.

1,200 feet up in the snow capped rockie's, i've been extremely inspired by all the beauty i've seen here, and in the spirit of an approaching new year, i have decided to make some changes.

i want to simplify everything about my photos- not just the actual photo itself, but how people see them.

i am considering deleting everything on my flickr and starting over again - a clean slate.

i am going to build a website with the help of a dear friend.
i want to keep making books and prints that i am proud of.

i've been using my medium format camera almost exclusively up here. i really am growing to love it. at first it frustrated me, not knowing what the shot came out like immediately, but now i sort of enjoy the mystery. i picked up my first roll of 120 film from my yashica and almost died. the prints were so clear, so true to the moment, so fulfilling to me.

i have not put down my yashica since.

Polaroid Sx70. Artistic Time Zero. ND Filter.

with more air than words

i am headed up north where the sky is silver and the air is crisp. i need an escape where i can take a few deep breathes and feel them in my chest.
i need a day of solitude and stillness where i can actually feel the passing of time come over me, as if a large wool blanket is being spread across my body.
i keep having these dreams of walking in the snow, with no one around, just me and my thoughts, deserted in a lonely forest. i pray for moments like that and now it's quite possible i will find mine.

i am really struggling to get some film for this trip. i haven't had money to buy any in months. hence why i haven't posted in a while, but i'm sure i will scrounge something up for the occasion. it's really important to me, to get some great photos while i'm out there, but mostly i can't wait to see my family and to feel that unrelenting love that i've been missing so badly.

1 1/2 days till colorado.

Polaroid Sx70. Time Zero.