it's no secret

i hate having my photo taken. 9 times out of 10 i wont even look at the camera. i don't know when this forbidable feeling began with me? maybe it stems from the day i first picked up a camera and looked through it with deliberation, or maybe it was when i started paying attention to other photographers work and their restless hunt for the perfect face and light and ultimate capture... i can't be sure. all i know is that i hate it. i truly wish i could be as comfortable and confident in front of the lens as i am behind it.

today it is rainy and grey out. not the good rainy and grey though, but the bad gloomy kind that destroys outdoor plans and lurks over head far beyond it's welcomed invitation. appropriatly so, elliot smith is lulling an infinite loop of bitter kisses into my ears and all i can think of is crawling back into my cream colored sheets. i need a plan. i need a fresh dream. i need something to pick me up and send me off on a paper boat or magic carpet. i need to see your face.

so

http://www.colieparks.com/

i have a website.
this is just a crazy realization for me, almost impossible to wrap my head around.
just one year ago i purchase my first medium format camera and the year before that, my first camera ever - an sx70 alpha polaroid. i really had no clue what i was doing with either device. film was so mysterious to me and to be completely honest, it still sort of is.

to this day, there still is a swelling feeling in my heart each time i watch a polaroid print go from grey vapor to clear image and a fit of panicked nerves that pit inside my guts each time i hold a sleeve of 120 negatives up to the light, reviewing my latest roll.
film is and will forever be one of my greatest love affairs of all time, filled with epic losses and insurmountable gains. some of my greatest experiences have not only been captured in film but mostly lost in it; due to some unexpected light leak or exposure - case and point the new york trip. it breaks my heart to know those moments have been cast out into some cosmic beyond, an evil black space better known as my failing memory.

if there ever was a black hole i could comprehend, then that is it residing in my minds eye.
now i am babbling and have gone from website to black holes....

never the less, i have a site. it blows my mind. it excites me. it feels like the last 2 years of my life elegantly laid out on the computer screen like a colorful quilt and it warms me.

i am applying for a few artistic grants in the futuer, so this site will serve as an online portfolio. i hope you all enjoy it.

run away with me

here.

yashica a. medium format. 120 kodak 400tx b/w.

sometimes

moments occur with the kind of ferocity of a speeding cyclone. they pummel through our meager existence consuming every blade of grass, barking dog, and falling leaf with a terrifying vigor.

i am caught up in a whirl wind myself these days, some kind of hurling twister is spinning my head around with determined defiance.

if i am to be swept up and carried away, i will go willingly.

my eyes are open.

i am not scared.

yashica a. medium format. b/w 120. kodak 400tx.

it's been a little

over a week since my return from nyc and i finally feel settled in. i got my prints back from cph and to be honest, they really aren't anything to whoop and holler over. i probably wouldn't even write home about them, but never the less, they are little pieces of time frozen still for all eternity, and that in of itself is quite miraculous. i also loaded up on a bunch of films: provia 120, polaroid, 35 mm, and i finally got around to buying a new and very complicated canon ae-1 program 35 mm (since penny never recouped from the salt water catastrophe).

aside from my photo life, i've been taking some time out to focus on the things that build me up and put a smile on my face. i'm all consumed with a charles frazier novel thirteen moons. it's simple and rich and perfect for my life at this very moment. lots of evening runs and late night dinners seem to suffice my night owl tendencies, while making new friends has inspired a wealth of great ideas, new music, possible collaborations, art projects, and other various forms of unearthing that are possible only with the aid of human interaction.

in all of my wanting and wishing i must admit i am a thankful girl.

yashica a. medium format. kodak 400xt 12o film.

isn't it

a shame when memory fails us? not unlike being cast out of some palatial promise land where words and sound are void and images of dimly lit living rooms with two souls twirling beneath paper flags reign for all eternity.

i am forgetting a lot of beautiful things. it's just the way it goes. i suppose.

{my nyc prints are being held hostage at cph till monday. i hate waiting.}

pentax asahi k1000. 35mm seattle film.

back from

a great escape. i was lucky enough to trade one reality for another and take some time out in nyc with friends. it felt good to be immersed in the busy streets, with little time or concern to think twice about all the temporal drama that clogs my brain most days. truth be told, i got lucky many times over this trip. despite the lack of 120 film vendors in the city i managed to acquire a roll of b/w, i scored a few free taxis, saw a screening of where the wild things are, and met a very interesting photo taker. finally, i really felt my luck running over when i stumbled onto a robert frank exhibition at the met showcasing all 83 original prints from his the american's book, not to mention several journals, mock up books, and corresponding letters to walker evans. if you don't know his work, then i weep for you. he is basically the jack kerouac of photography and embodies the american spirit in the time (when i am absolutely certain i was meant to be alive) of the beatnik 1940s and 50s.

i absolutely adore him for numerous reasons; especially achieving dignified professional status without compromising himself. frank isn't full of fancy tricks or teahniques, but is simply a humble journalist with two hearts in place of where his eyes should be, on a constant journey in search of the spiritual, and capturing both the indescribable and yet utterly familiar.

please discover his story if you don't know it yet. you wont regret it.

bellow the photo this quote was inscribed:

"i am always looking outside, trying to look inside, trying to say something that is true. but maybe nothing is really true. except what's out there. and what's out there is constantly changing"

tell me

what you've done today,

i would like to know

write it on the rocks and then

tell me where to go.

tell me you're the lucky one

& how fast you can throw

tell me all the things you've done

i would like to know.

tell me how much you like yourself

& tell me why you go

unlike you were someone else,

i want to know.

tell me something bad you've done

tell me about your ghosts

tell me about the games you've won,

& the ones you've lost.

tell me about your magic touch

& every coin you toss

i can't get out the door, get in

that's how it's always been.

pentax asahi k1000. 35mm film.

cool little

article about me and my photos in lip magazine.

side note: i can't stop listening to yppah and this afternoon i bought my first winter coat for the season.

less than 4 days till nyc. i will be shooting medium format the ENTIRE time. gird your loins. there will be an explosion of prints after my return.

i don't

know if i'm moving forward or backwards anymore.

these are hard times for dreamers.

pentax asahi k1000. 35mm film.

for what it's worth

it's never too late or too early to be whoever you want to be. there is no time limit. you can start whenever and wherever you want. you can change into whatever you want to be. there are no rules to this thing, this life. you can make the worst of it or you can make the best of it.

i hope to make it the very best. i hope to see things that startle me and i hope to feel things i never thought were possible; but most of all, i hope to live a life that i am proud of and if i ever find that i am not, i hope i have the strength to never stop trying to find my way.

polaroid sx70 alpha. 600 film. nd filter.

i am counting

down the days till i get to skip town (10 to be exact). i really need to move around, to meet some new faces, and maybe see some old ones too. i need some crisp wind in my face, some kind of alive experience, a kind reminder that there is more to this life than fancy ideas and beautiful words... soon.

pentax asahi k1000. 35 mm velvia film.

listening

to efterklang makes me crafty. i wander around the house like a hungry ghost in search of something to take apart and put back together again - fabric, scissors, thread and needle, i stitch some handmade paper invites for an upcoming dinner party... an hour later, i dig through my photo box, flipping through prints tucked away in envelopes like long lost love notes... and viola! a small stack of images i never scanned or posted on here. it will have to suffice my roaming hands for a day or two.

i just recently learned that my pentax needs some doctoring. the shutter release is sticking, not snapping photos, and probably needs a new spring or something... and it couldn't come at a worse time. i'm leaving for a trip to nyc in a week and what little money i have set aside is reserved strictly for travels. thankfully my yashica is a fucking tank and survives epic blows and will thus accompany me on my next journey.

if anyone out there has a 35mm collecting dust on a shelf and is also giving enough to lend it to me for a trip i will love you forever and ever. if not, well then i suppose i will have to wait another month or so to either repair mine or buy a new one. oi vey.

Yashica A. Medium Format. 120 Velvia.

Pentax Asahi K1000. 35mm Film.

a fresh

update of the gallery i just want to be in love and take photos of it, is that too much to ask? is up. i hope you all are enjoying these images, i know i sure am. i seriously think i fall in love with each photo - their stories and energy, and just the timelessness of it all - it's truly captivating. i think these images are some of the most honest works you will see out there, and even though the compositions are generally simple, there is this detectable fullness of life and emotion that creates an epically dynamic work of art.

featured photo by: sarah

my life is

a series of events, that all become stories.

i guess part of my fascination with photo taking is the ability of recording it all; maybe not with great accuracy but certainly with great heart...

Pentax Asahi K1000. 35mm film.

just updated the gallery. 18 new photos. 18 new artists.

thanks for the input and suggestions.

keep them coming (over 6,000 views in 3 days)!!!!

featured photo by: hana

i am

on a journey. to everywhere.

i read this proust passage today, "the voyage of of discovery is not in seeking new landscapes but in having new eyes".... just pure gold.

those words made me think a lot about how the moments of my life are somehow different now, because i am photographing them. unlike what most people would assume, that the camera removes you from the moment, i sort of feel as though it launches me deeper in. i study, i wait, i aim and focus, i line up the frame... i think about all the little details of that experience and then in that instant, i click.

pentax asahi k1000. 35mm film.

i am not

a patient person

when i have to wait for what i know i want.

i am collecting photographs by other people who continue to inspire me, on a topic that motivates the very nature of life itself. i will be updating this collection daily, with a rotation of 18 new photos and artists. you can take a sneak peek of it here: <3

***if you have any suggestions of photos you think may fit the gallery, link me up. i will add them (already over 5,000 views in two days!!!)***

Pentax Asahi K1000. 35 mm b/w

somtimes

you leave because you really want to stay.

Pentax Asahi K1000. 35 mm.

i don't

want the world anymore.

i want the world with you in it.

pentax asahi k1000. 35 mm. b/w.

had a nice

mini visit with dan last weekend. we didn't accomplish too much - walked around the neighborhood, snapped some photos, ate good food, and laughed at the expense of each other. i guess that's the thing about spending time with close friends, it's not what you do or where you go - it's who you're with and how they make you feel that merits only the fondest of memories.

the photos above are of my best friend, roommate, and muse - kylie. i've gotten into the habit of photographing her often and she has gotten in the habit of letting me. i have started a little series called come into our room. i plan on shooting a lot more in this environment, it's simple to do and i love the intimate feeling i get from it. plus, any excuse to shoot in natural light like this... well i'll take it. i know the series is nothing much yet, but for now it's just enough to keep me motivated - more ideas, more light, more consistency.

so press play

and stay tuned.

i have

the flu. being sick is horrible and come monday i am pretty sure i will have turned completely into a fluid. the only thing holding me together at this point is this american life season 2, tomato soup, and the batch of prints i just got in the mail.

it's nice to enjoy photos of nothing and for no one in particular, just a few fleeting moments captured quickly, collected at ease, for your own amusement.

i have been getting back into the habit of carrying at least one camera with me wherever i go, with no expectations of really achieving anything because it's not really about that all the time, is it? sometimes it's just the process of always making, always looking, learning, always keeping your hands moving and eye's searching. for a very long time i lost that spirit. i was stuck in a place where i didn't belong and in a relationship where i didn't fit. it's incredible really, how much our personal lives filter directly into what we create. i look at what i was doing then, what i captured and the words i wrote, and it's so obvious to me now how unhappy i was.

about a month ago i started to get emails; people who have followed the blog or flickr explaining how happy they were to see me back in action, to see me inspired and creating once more. i was floored by their words. i had no idea it was so evident. i guess i was too immersed in the bullshit to see.

i realize that in a unique community like this, one that is open to the entire world, the nature of sharing images, words and ideas is a volatile one. there is never any guarantee that anyone will like it, or understand it; hell there is no guarantee anyone will even see it... but that is not why we share. we share because we simply must. it helps us endure our days, it helps us make sense of the world around us, it helps grab hold of feelings we can't bare to let go of. and then sometimes, if we are truly lucky, someone out there in the vast greatness of this capricious community gets it.

i am thankful for moments like that, for the words and experiences people have shared with me. i will hold them dearly and closely to my heart.

Pentax Asahi K1000. Seattle Film.

the best

part of my week is this moment here and now.

it's sneaking out of the office a little early.

it's hot jogs through the cities greener parts.

it's the music that fills our hallways.

it's the pining over mini skirts and sandals.

it's dimly lit lights and laughter behind half full glasses.

it's the bringing together of kindreds.

it's privileged youth at the height of life eternal.

it's the never ending potential of a long weekend escapade.

happy friday.

Yashica A. Medium Format. 120 Film.

i love

our secrets

coming undone.

polaroid sx70 alpha. 600 film. no filter.

more from

the kyle + casey shoot. we found a busted old laundry mat near wills pub to shoot in. the light was horrifically florescent, but thankfully i was using b/w.

we also found a few other cute spots to play around with and finish off the roll. all in all this duo was a delight to work with. i want to do some solo stuff with the both of them. casey is insanely photogenic in a sincere unknowingly sort of way, i can just picture doing something very environmental with her. kyle is a big ball of fun and up for anything. you can say "hey scale that building" and before you have the shot lined up he is in position.

i wish i were good a graphic design so i could throw a little something extra together for them, like cd art style stuff... i need to work on that i suppose. that is why i envy people like autumn de wilde. her photo work is so casual cool and her design stuff just takes it all to the next level.

if you haven't noticed yet, i am very much into the low production look- a handmade heaven, wreathing in vintage glory, of some newly found discarded art. this is not to say i don't appreciate the digital stuff. i love looking at it, but can never imagine myself working in that medium. the process just doesn't appeal to me at all. lately i've been feeling a little presure to move into that direction.... but i can safely say, my feet aren't budging. at least not yet.

Yashica A. Medium Format. 120 b/w Film.

the impromptu

shoot with kyle and casey, two local orlando musicians (who completely rock), was sooo fun. just a few weeks ago we trolled around will's pub an hour or so before their show and squeezed in some shots between spurts of rain. the film happened to be expired walmart 35 mm gifted from a friend - sadly only half the roll turned out. however, i have another roll of 120 b/w waiting to be processed.

to hear some rough demo's of their music you can visit kyle's myspace.

Pentax Asahi K1000. 35 mm film.

well the weather

isn't that great today

but it's just fine for me.

because i'm thinking of you.

and i've got these far away blues.

Polaroid Sx 70. Blend Film.

just

a few small discoveries on our journey to the middle.

Yashica A. 120 Film.

i was

first introduced to andrew wyeth's work in college. this chance meeting was not unlike a lovers tryst. i was leaving my drawing class when i happened to pass by the visual arts gallery. casually glancing over my shoulder, hair in my face, i caught a glimpse of a man lying down in a small boat, set adrift in a vacant sea of gray ripples, beneath a receding horizon. something inside of me moved. i can't define exactly what it was without saying that at that very same moment i was both empty and full.

now, it is common knowledge just how rare an occurrence it is for an individual to be stopped dead in their tracks these days. however i can attest that this image will freeze any person in place for the potential of all eternity.

my eternity must have lasted for a few minutes or at least until i could feel my feet beginning to place themselves one in front of the other, until i had made my way to the building. for some reason there was a pit of nervousness that built up inside of me with each step; as if i knew this experience was going to brand me for all of eternity.

for the following two hours i wandered my way through wyeth's world. visually, i was being destroyed. no other time in my life had i witnessed such honest moments laid out in paint. i sat in front of far away and sketched for over an hour -meticulously rendering every blade of grass and fur follicle present. my attempts were pathetic but my hands urged me on.

so often i find myself inspired by others but stilted by their greatness. wyeth's work is no doubt colossal, with every brush stroke he commands repute, and yet somehow the viewer is left feeling a sense of undaunted pride in this experience, in this becoming of his story. i wish i could convey a true likeness of braids or anything from his helga series... maybe subconsciously i am still trying. somewhere deep down at the heart of all of my artistic endeavors is a small wyeth impression burried beneath the surface.

please enjoy these images. they are only a supplement to his quiet grandeur.

p.s. i just got two of his books in and both are mind blowing. highly recommended for visual imagineers: magic and memory & three generations.

this

morning i woke up and i swore i could smell you on my pillow. i breathed it in deep. i shut my eyes tightly and i imagined you here.

we lay facing each other for what felt like a lifetime, careful to not make any sudden movements, in fear that reality would too quickly seep in and erase all of this wonderful progress. so i looked on. your skin seemed fair in the morning light. it begged to be explored by a pair of wandering hands. i continued witnessing every detail of your body, every curve and crease was beheld with tender vigilance. i was not disappointed to find each freckle fully in tact, right where i left them last.

it was a grand morning in the land of make believe.

Yashica A. Medium Format. 12o Film.