"those three days and nights i had the best of both worlds, in that i had her and yearned for her at the same time. i looked down through the blue air, high above the corrugated world, bathed in various hues of light from dawn to dawn, privileged to be young at the highest pitch of green summer." thirteen moons, page 166.

the rain is finally starting to get to me. everything in sight is dark and dismal. the luminous clouds lurk above head, plotting and pining strategically for the exact moment you wonder off without an umbrella, to catch you in your finest hour and unleash it's watery trove. three times today i've been bombarded by the sky's torrential down pours. precarious in nature or deliberate attacks i wonder?

well the heavens above can wreak havoc on me all day long as far as i'm concerned, because it's finally friday and i've got a nice long weekend of life living ahead of me, no amount of water can dampen that. as a matter of fact i challenge the rain to persist. summer just isn't the same without swimming in the rain.

Polaroid Sx 70 Alpha. 600 Film.

today has been a battle of motivation. it's been raining non-stop since monday. they sky is grey and the air is heavy and palpable and advising me to turn around and go back to bed. i found this polaroid of myself wedged between the pages of a worn out copy of 13 moons. flipping through the chapters i took note of the passages underlined in ink:

"desire abides. it is all people have to stand proof against time. everything else is burned up by the sun and swept away with the tide." page 67

i tried to remember myself when i first read this story: the free thinking traveler, wandering the streets of barcelona and devouring life's freshest experiences without worry. my wild hair curled up around my face in a fashion ironically resembling a lions mane, with tired feet and a restless heart, i burned for true love... in me was this belief, that if i opened my heart up enough there would be no limits in love.

Polaroid Sx 70 Alpha. ND Filter. 600 Film.

i'm not going to write about how him anymore.

i'm not going to describe the sound of his voice when he'd whisper "goodnight" as we fell asleep together.

i won't even mention the softness of his touch.

and when i'm alone in my new room, i wont think about how he smelt after his morning shower, and how that sent would linger in the air after he left for work.

i'm going to erase my memories of waking up beside him and staring at his skin as he slept, pretending that his freckles were clovers covering a field.

there are consequences for the things we you do

and then there are consequences for the things we did not do.

it is over.

i have to face this

and move on.

in the night i called your name

one letter at a time

sprawled across the greenest grass

i buried that old heart of mine

Polaroid Sx 70 Alpha. Sx 70 Blend Film.

he was just a year a head of me

but that meant so much more back then you see

when the high school girls caught wind of me

they threw me in the mud

well i fought my way through the dark that night

i cursed the water and i cursed the light

but i learned to swim and i learned to fight