December 6, 2007

airports remind me of...


i sit here waiting and for what i do not know. a plane, a plan, a test, dinner, to fall asleep, to fall in love....

sometimes i feel like my entire life has been a waiting process. i am waiting for something, for something to happen, for something greater, for something more real. sometimes i feel like an apostrophe - a place keeper, a faint little mark to stand in for something more complete. a convention, barely more than nothing.

someday i expect for this feeling to just stop. maybe whatever i am waiting for will find me. maybe one day i will wake up and realize that i have nothing to wait for at all.

i can't really justify this feeling, which must make it sound even crazier. but try for a second, to remember how difficult it can be to put into words the things you feel inside of yourself, which have no words.

i stood in the snow not too long ago. i looked at the sky and saw that it was changing. it moved in gusty waves of dark to light blue, and the falling bits of frozen water vapors danced all around me. i watched as the atmosphere fell from the clouds like tiny vessels, and i decided that flurry is the perfect word for what snow does. like a spectator i stared in awe. i let the icey flakes kiss my face awake and cling gracefully to my hair.

and despite the defiant winds, without any commotion whatsoever, time stood still. i stopped waiting.

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