September 20, 2009

I have the flu. being sick is horrible and come monday i am pretty sure i will have turned completely into a fluid. the only thing holding me together at this point is this american life season 2, tomato soup, and the batch of prints i just got in the mail.

it's nice to enjoy photos of nothing and for no one in particular, just a few fleeting moments captured quickly, collected at ease, for your own amusement.

i have been getting back into the habit of carrying at least one camera with me wherever i go, with no expectations of really achieving anything because it's not really about that all the time, is it? sometimes it's just the process of always making, always looking, learning, always keeping your hands moving and eye's searching. for a very long time i lost that spirit. i was stuck in a place where i didn't belong and in a relationship where i didn't fit. it's incredible really, how much our personal lives filter directly into what we create. i look at what i was doing then, what i captured and the words i wrote, and it's so obvious to me now how unhappy i was.

about a month ago i started to get emails; people who have followed the blog or flickr explaining how happy they were to see me back in action, to see me inspired and creating once more. i was floored by their words. i had no idea it was so evident. i guess i was too immersed in the bullshit to see.

i realize that in a unique community like this, one that is open to the entire world, the nature of sharing images, words and ideas is a volatile one. there is never any guarantee that anyone will like it, or understand it; hell there is no guarantee anyone will even see it... but that is not why we share. we share because we simply must. it helps us endure our days, it helps us make sense of the world around us, it helps grab hold of feelings we can't bare to let go of. and then sometimes, if we are truly lucky, someone out there in the vast greatness of this capricious community gets it.

i am thankful for moments like that, for the words and experiences people have shared with me. i will hold them dearly and closely to my heart.

{Pentax Asahi K1000. Seattle Film}


  1. Beautifully spoken Colie.

    I know exactly what you mean. Blogging and sharing your creative gift to the outside world is sometimes a risky prospect. I debate the sensibility of this with myself all the time. But you are right. We do it because we must.

    We do it because for some reason we feel the need of a witness to all that is great about what we do see hear and feel.

    Life is a miracle. And only a very few are awake up to it. It's people like you [and sometimes I hope me] who are willing to put it out there so that others may also see the wonder of it all.

    That's got to be a good thing right? And well worth doing... I guess.

    - Jean

  2. thank you jean. it is a good thing because it is good for us and if it happens to be good for others too well then that's even better :)