getting well

so i am back at work only 3 days after all my medical "issues", sucks, but i have to make money. it's actually sort of ironic that i hurried back at all because upon my arrival i learned that the museum is in the middle of a "budget crisis" and people are getting axed left and right.... and well... i'm pretty sure i will be one of them.
why is it that bad news never comes at a good time?
surprisingly i am upbeat about it all. i mean despite the prospect of being jobless i am just happy that i am healthy. the past few days were really sort of scary for me - my recovery wasn't as graceful or swift as i had anticipated it to be, but at this point i am just gritting me teeth and bearing it... fingers crossed that my job can be intact for at least another month or long enough for me to arrange for something else. it really sort of depresses me to think about how after 2 degrees and a masters in progress i may be back to waiting tabels for a little while. i am trying not to dwell on it, but it's hard when it's not make believe anymore.

i spoke to my mom this morning. i am always so scared to tell her bad news. i don't want to dissapoint her or make her feel like she has to support me financially... at my age i should be able to stand on my own two feet. i'd say it's 50% in my mind and 50% truth. either way i am working on it. our talk was good. i got to fill her in on my love life, which is the only good thing working for me at the moment. i told her about work and she said if they try to low ball me with an hr/pay cut i should stand up for myself, and money is money, and that there is no shame in rolling up your sleeves to make ends meet. i want her to meet b so she can see how wonderful he really is. i told her about his endless generosity and how he's been taking care of me lately. she said he sounds like a keeper. and that he is!

this polaroid is not like me, but oddly i am drawn to it. i never shoot flowers, not to say that floral and nature shots aren't important or of value. it's just not my typical style i suppose. i think what i like most about this polaroid is how it reminds me of this floor lenght dress my mother used to wear. i see it vividly in my mind - her wild black hair, curling around her tanned shoulders, as she glides across a room or a field or some place in my mind in a long summer dress. tiny pink petals dancing across the fabric as if she had swept up a boquet of no name wild flowers and sprinkled them on top of her body.

*polaroid sx-70 alpha, 600 film expired, no filter.