i am tired. how about you?

Polaroid Sx-70 Alpha. 600 Film. ND Filter.

i've been home long enough to burry my face in the sun,

and wander around places where no one will ask where i'm from.

i swim in the water so much that i could be a fish,

and i'm right by the ocean so i can go dippin any old time that i wish.

me and my sister watched the sunset from the old life guard stand,

and when the setting was done and we lost all the sun, we napped on the cool white sand.

we drank bottles of wine under the moonlight and danced to bluegrass tunes,

and for that moment in time the world was mine and i forgot all about my blues.

Polaroid Sx 70. 600 Film. ND Filter.

this is a photo of one of my best friends in the world - kylie. if you frequent my flickr then you know she is basically the main subject of my photographs. i can't help but always volunteer her in my shots, because every single picture i've ever taken of her turns out beautifully and that aint no lie. there is a real chemistry between her and my camera, one in which i've yet to duplicate with anyone else, but more than her beauty kylie is a huge supporter of my art and for that i am forever grateful...

Polaroid Sx-70 Alpha. 600 Film. ND Filter.

i am going home soon. in 2. 5 days to be exact. every single time i think about it my heart races. it's been months since i've last stood in that lawn, whoes soft green grass harbors giant yellow mushrooms and critters of all kinds. as soon as i get there i am making my way strait to the sea. i will kick my shoes off, dangle my legs from the dock and plot out my day. 1,000's of adventures await me there many of which are timeless traditions encompassing everthing that is home to me, others are nothing more than a fleeting feeling; vaporous and impactful; like witnessing the sun melt into the distance.

home: nothing more than everything and never less than enough.


Polaroid Sx 70 Alpha. 600 Film. ND Filter. Collage.

i'm feeling pretty good today. things are still busy at work - but lets be honest that's not ever going to let up. the sun is out, the weekend is finally over, and  i'm mapping out my escape from orlando in my mind. 

by the way the back of this photo reads "dear colie, welcome home to yourself".

Polaroid Sx 70 Alpha. 600 Film. ND Filter. 

cast me gently into morning 

because the night has been unkind

Polaroid Sx-70 Alpha. 600 Film. No Filter.

i am tired. b and i got into a stupid fight last night about absolutely nothing i was up till way too late being mad and hurt and idiotic. today i paid for it hard. i peeled myself out of bed at 7am and taught 500 kids how to paint abstractly. i didn't eat till 4pm, hell i didn't even get to use the bathroom for eight hours. it was an especially painful day, to feel so down during 

it's friday

and you are busy with your plans... so you wont see this till saturday, in which case i can say:

"my darling, relax. it's been a long week. listen to this sweet song. close your eyes. be at peace."

Jerry

5 facts about jerry:

he has a cowlick in his facial hair.

he watches the movie Rush Hour repeatedly and shamelessly laughs just as hard each time as if it were the first time.

he has a gentle nature.

his wife is my sister.

he enjoys heavy metal.

Polaroid Sx 70 Alpha. 600 Film. No Filter. Faces, the Project (#14).

a log cabin & my day

this polaroid is of a log cabin, which has absolutely nothing to do with what i'm writing about... i, myself, am writing about my very eventful day and venting just a tad about my lack of time to do meaningless things like lie in the grass... 

so, as i was saying, today is a productive one. i am pretty busy at work putting together an internship program for the museum this summer, also developing an outreach program that will act as a mobile art camp for kids. 3 day's out of the week i will visit a different community center and teach the kid's an art component, followed by an arts and crafts activity that uses the skills from the lesson. the program will be designed to teach children the importance of art in their everyday lives, not just as a creative outlet but also as a stepping stone to find their individuality, and to enhance comprehension and complex motor skills. i'm really really motivated to make this work, which is good bc no one else seems to be backing me up at this point. it's in the early phases, but even still i'm putting the final touches on the campaing and crossing my fingers that everything else will fall into place.

soooo with that being said, i guess it comes to no surprise to say i'm TIRED and i want a vacation. a real one. like a week or longer, but more than a vacation i want to drive out to visit people i haven't seen in light years. i want to take their damn photographs and hug the shit out them. i want to go to church and feel that light hearted goodness again. i want to pick flowers by the side of the road, to fall asleep under the sun and smile so hard from all the happeiness listed above that my face muscle's hurt........

i guess that's the trouble with growing up. the more you take on the less time you have to do the things that make you, you.

Polaroid Sx-70 Alpha. 600 Film. No Filter. Winter Series.

drew

5 facts about drew:

he is canadian
in love with my best-friend (and her cat)
he thinks he's balding
he is tired of his job
he eats chocolate chips and hot dogs, sometimes at the same time but not often

Polaroid Sx-70 Alpha. 600 Film. No Filter. Faces, the project (#13).

so i'm back from jax beach - completely sunburnt and utterly rejuvinated. there is something

josh

5 facts about josh:

he was born in blumington-normal illinois

hates when his car over heats

traveled to paris alone

prefers the night sky to daytime

the love of his life is: nature as beauty

Polaroid Sx 70 Alpha. 600 Film. No Filter. Faces, the project (#12).

in december 2008 i started this project after photographing everyone in my family. i was incredibly inspired by how different they seemed on the print as opposed to how i see them everyday. it got me thinking about how we carry preconceptions of people, especially those we already know, and how that affects the way we see them.

so it is my goal to to remove all the stigmas and back stories that affect the way we see one another, and to simply show people at face value. polaroid seems to be a perfect medium to this mission as it is an instant capture, without any of the smoke and mirrors of fancy editing, and simply more true to the moment.

also, as part of this project i am asking 5 random facts from each person. it could be anything that they want to share. the goal is to achieve something concrete about who they are according to them. some of the facts have surprised me, which only lead me to believe even further that our mental stereotypes are difficult guards to surrender.

i'm escaping to jax beach this weekend... i'm going to soak up some sun and visit my bestfriend. i'm saying good ridence to the city with no pitty and putting to rest all the anxieties and stress of work and home and money and blah blah blah and soon the sweet breeze will be at my back and my bare feet will be in the sand. i can't wait to be I-95, with the windows down and the music up, and passing the time in thought. spring is finally setting in too and my arms are open wide and ready to embrace it.

good God this is overdue!

Polaroid Sx-70 Alpha. Time Zero Film.

hello. i am a big crazy house and i want to eat you.

Polaroid Sx 70 Alpha. Time Zero.

so much of love is a sacrifice. it's about constantly trying to find ways to make that one person in your life feel special. it's saying i love you every night before you fall asleep together. it's wrapping your arms around their body and squeezing tightly when they are feeling sad. it's never giving up even when times are rough. it's being quick to make up and surrender your wars. it's doing whatever it takes to make it work.

Polaroid Sx-70 Alpha. Time Zero Film.

i realize it's spring outside, but i'm still stuck with all of these damn winter polaroids.

truthfully i don't mind all the snow scenes. i like seeing the world frozen and still. it makes me feel peaceful. i wish i could time travel back to the day when i took these polaroids, all bundled up from head to toe, crunching throw the freshly fallen snow, getting lost with purpose.


it's funny how comforting it is to be in the middle of nowhere, around absolutely no one.


Polaroid Sx-70 Alpha, Time Zero Film.

today i sat outside in the sun by myself.

i watched a woodpecker hollow out a limb from the oak tree above my head.

i chewed every single finger nail down to it's nub.

i thought a lot about the way things are in my life and how what used to be so simple for me, is now complicated.

the truth is, things are pretty difficult right now. i feel lost and sad. the one person i've invested my heart in doesn't know if we are right together. hearing those words are crippling, mainly because i've never considered them. i wouldn't be living with him if i had.

Yashica A Model. 120 Film. 6x6.

the haven house

this is me and and b's home, the haven house! everything about this place is beautiful and comfortable and just overall amazing. i love photographing it's interiors, from the man made panes of glass in the windows and the white stone fire place, to the black and white linoleum tiles on the kitchen floor. there is so much inspiration here but lately i've felt a little held back. i know by blogs have been lacking... it's not like i don't have things to say, on the contrary there is so much to say and yet so little room to say it.

Yashica A Model. 120 Film. 6x6.

i think i'm shrinking.

every day i feel smaller and smaller then the day before.

and in no time there will be nothing left of me,

just a little pile of rubble where i once stood.

the light in this house is mocking me... there is something missing. still.

Polaroid Sx-70 Alpha. 600 Film.

i am too alone in the world and yet not alone enough,

to make every hour holy.
I am too small in the world, and yet not tiny enough
just to stand before you like a thing,
dark and shrewd.
I want my will, and I want to be with my will
as it moves towards deed;
and in those quiet, somehow hesitating times,
when something is approaching,
I want to be with those who are wise
or else alone.
I want always to be a mirror that reflects your whole being,
and never to be too blind or too old
to hold your heavy, swaying image.
I want to unfold.
Nowhere do I want to remain folded,
because where I am bent and folded, there I am lie.
And I want my meaning
true for you. I want to describe myself
like a painting that I studied
closely for a long, long time,
like a word I finally understood,
like the pitcher of water I use every day ,
like the face of my mother,
like a ship
that carried me
through the deadliest storm of all.

~ rainer maria rilke

Polaroid Sx-70 Alpha. Time Zero Film.