remember when

remember when poptarts were a delicacy
and sleeping in was terrible?
remember alf and bikes with no kick stands?
remember the hightops you always wanted
and waiting to record your favorite radio song on a blank tape?
remember the scary big kids and wanting to be just like them?

remember notes from your secret crush, folded up like origami?
remember walkie talkies and tree forts?

remember playing in the rain and skinny dipping in swimming pools?

remember classroom pizza parties and making your mom cards?

i do. painfully.

i see my little brother cody and i remember all of those things. i am instantly transported ....

i remember racing michelle parrell to the movie theater to see roger rabbit, and falling off my bicycle and cutting my knee. i remember crying till my dad came and was very mad and drove us home because those roads were off limits for kids. i remember being sad because roger rabbit was my favorite movie, even though i hadn't seen it yet. i remember putting peroxide on my cut and how bad it stung, but then i blew on it like my dad said to and it didn't hurt that bad anymore. i remember my dad saying if i was good and did my chorse he would take me to see roger rabbit and i was happy. i remember thinking i had the best dad in the world and squeezing his hand till he squeezed back harder.

i remember.

another year remembering him here.
happy new years.

Polaroid Sx70. Artistic Time Zero. ND Filter. Long Exposure.

...

Lover of things,

won't you agree

how the winter could bring

the darkest spring?

With hell on your face,

dirt on the walls

in the back of the place,

you grew and complained.

Brother of three,

won't you believe,

that the ones in between,

are the ones that are blamed.

Of fickle faith,

cynics that seethe,

how their love is cursed,

makes you cursed to believe.

It's like marrow without bone.

To live in a land with no home.

Where your love is the darkest seed.

And there it crawls with the curs in the weeds.

Where had you been?

Not in the street, not in the yard.

Only once, I'll call off the dogs,

if you call off your guard.

Where had you gone?

Polaroid Sx70. Artistic Time Zero. ND Filter.

up here it's like

as for me

i'm still in colorado and i'm loving it.

1,200 feet up in the snow capped rockie's, i've been extremely inspired by all the beauty i've seen here, and in the spirit of an approaching new year, i have decided to make some changes.

i want to simplify everything about my photos- not just the actual photo itself, but how people see them.

i am considering deleting everything on my flickr and starting over again - a clean slate.

i am going to build a website with the help of a dear friend.
i want to keep making books and prints that i am proud of.

i've been using my medium format camera almost exclusively up here. i really am growing to love it. at first it frustrated me, not knowing what the shot came out like immediately, but now i sort of enjoy the mystery. i picked up my first roll of 120 film from my yashica and almost died. the prints were so clear, so true to the moment, so fulfilling to me.

i have not put down my yashica since.

Polaroid Sx70. Artistic Time Zero. ND Filter.

with more air than words

i am headed up north where the sky is silver and the air is crisp. i need an escape where i can take a few deep breathes and feel them in my chest.
i need a day of solitude and stillness where i can actually feel the passing of time come over me, as if a large wool blanket is being spread across my body.
i keep having these dreams of walking in the snow, with no one around, just me and my thoughts, deserted in a lonely forest. i pray for moments like that and now it's quite possible i will find mine.

i am really struggling to get some film for this trip. i haven't had money to buy any in months. hence why i haven't posted in a while, but i'm sure i will scrounge something up for the occasion. it's really important to me, to get some great photos while i'm out there, but mostly i can't wait to see my family and to feel that unrelenting love that i've been missing so badly.

1 1/2 days till colorado.

Polaroid Sx70. Time Zero.

with buzz in our ears

i  finally bought the latest sigur ros album Með suð í eyrum við spilum endalaust and i know i say this about all of their albums, but this really is my favorite one. i can't remember the last time i was this excited for a CD? as soon as i got out of work i raced down to park ave cd's and went strait to the indie section and yanked it off of the shelf. i didn't waste any time dilly dallying in the vintage records and used cd's, the homemade buttons and local art, i went strait to the register, paid, and ripped off that shiny, impossible to open, plastic wrap. 

and as i drove home, with the windows rolled down, i experienced  Með suð í eyrum við spilum endalaust. the sun was shining, the air was rolling beneath my hand out the window. god damn it i felt like a free spirit on the open road again. it was beautiful. 

if you haven't heard this album yet i encourage you to do so (click here for a free stream). i would like to describe it to you, but my simple words would give no justice to the magic this band creates. however, i will say this, i was happy that this album was a bit more upbeat their previous ones. don't get me wrong "nothing song" and everything from ( ) shakes me to my core, but i've been in need of some upbeat inspiration lately. 

if you too need a little extra kick in your life right now, try these guys on for size. or if you are as in love with photography as i am, check out their delux edition Með suð í eyrum við spilum endalaust. eva vermandel is the photographer of their jaw droppingly gorgeous 200 page book which documents their life in the past year on the road - not to mention the short documentary film that is also included.... 

i will be a proud owner of it soon. once i get some money that is.

enjoy all.

Photo by Eva Vermandel.

light chasers - the book!

viola! the finished product is now available on BLURB :) ONLY 12 left!

i apologize for taking my sweet ass time to finish it up. i am just a very picky person when it comes to my writing and photography, and since this book has both... well... you get the point.

any ways, it's here now! and i am so happy with it. after the presale orders i only have 12 left... and once there gone then they are gone FO-EV-A :(

i've gotten a lot of messages from flickr friends saying that they would love a copy but that they just can't afford it right now... i understand fully. i am scraping by paycheck to paycheck myself and quite frankly $40 is a lot these days, in a tanking economy. maybe the next one will be a more cost friendly photo book...

all in all i am incredibly happy with the results of this project. my goal was to make a quality polaroid book, celebrating my love affair with living in the light, and i think i acheived just that.

also, i have to say, i am just really blown away by all of your kind words, interest, and inspiration in all of this. it has definitely made all those long late nights staring at computer screen, sizing and resizing, worth it.

thank you a million times over!!!

it's in our blood

i have this troubling tendency, to push for perfect. i see things how they could be, dressed in the optimistic light, and gleaming with potential as opposed to how they really are... i know there is no harm in hoping, but perhaps i am setting the bar too high and too soon for other people?

most of my childhood was spent in the uncharted territories of my imagination, a limitless world of possibilities, where anything i wanted i had, despite the tragic realities that surrounded me. instead of brokenness and pain, i saw a world of beauty.

now, at age 26, i still can't help but wear the same rose colored glasses.

Polaroid Sx70. Expired Time Zero.